The scene: Saturday afternoon. Ed is in front of his computer (a PowerMac G4 with a bumpersticker reading, "MY OTHER COMPUTER IS YOUR WINDOWS BOX" ;). He begins to surf the internet.
Ed: "Okay... people are still pissed off about the fan club single artwork. That's good."
Reaching up, he takes a dry erase marker and adds another hash mark to the white board above his desk. The caption reads "NUMBER OF DAYS FANS HAVE BEEN ARGUING ABOUT THE XMAS SINGLE." He counts.
Ed: "Fuck. I'm going to owe Ament money if this keeps up. I was sure they'd be done by now."
He sits back down and returns to surfing the net.
Ed: "Let's see what else people are talking about ... Creed ... wow, apparently we're in the studio recording already. I guess I should call Jeff and Stone because someone must've forgotten to tell me ... hey, I've been seen in Chicago, Miami and New York City within the last two days. That's a pretty cool trick ... another petition ... the usual trolls complaining I'm not a Christian or pro-life ... gossip ... gossip ... gossip ..."
He pauses.
"Oh, this sounds good - 'Corporate Whores'."
*click*
"Fuck, not about me."
*click*
"'Last Soldier' is the worst song ever written by Pearl Jam. If this is what the next album is going to sound like, I'm giving up.'" Ed pauses. "Wow. This kid says he's been playing guitar for - wow - five years. I think I should retire now."
15 minutes more of reading go by.Ed stands up, exasperated, and addresses the computer screen: "Okay, that does it. You want something to talk about? You really want something to talk about? I'll give you something to talk about...."
Grabbing a copy of his favorite Minor Threat photo, Ed stomps into the bathroom and pulls out his razor. Humming "Cut My Hair" by the Who, Ed looks into the mirror and begins shaving ...
[Disclaimer: Words not necessarily said in that order. But the photo is 100% legit.]
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